Let Me Be Weak What People in Pain Wish They Could Tell You edition by Brittany Barbera Religion Spirituality eBooks
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Have you ever been shattered by an unexpected loss and felt like no one understood what you were going through?
Have you ever tried to comfort someone in pain, only to discover you said the wrong thing and made them feel worse?
So many people feel alone in their pain and so many people feel unprepared to help when someone they love is hurting. In this honest and insightful book, Brittany Barbera helps us navigate the difficult and emotional road to recovery after a crisis, and teaches us what to do when we are confronted with painful situations that simultaneously demand a response and evoke internal resistance. This book will be a valuable resource and comfort for many raised in the Christian Church, who feel the stigma surrounding conversations about mental and emotional health, and the manner in which God heals our wounds.
In a world where we are praised for being self-sufficient, we feel isolated and embarrassed when we find ourselves struggling. Unsettled by the surge of emotions we work so hard to hide, we often complicate the necessary work of grief because it is a messy and uncomfortable process. Our cultural lack of empathy makes it difficult for people to be share their experiences with us, for fear of being judged or labeled "too sensitive." As a result, our relationships lack depth and we feel disconnected, especially during seasons of grief—and too often, our ‘help’ is poorly received among those that need it most.
Unlike the advice found in many self-help books, Barbera refuses to oversimplify the complex nature of grief. She does not insult the bereaved with insensitive platitudes or dismiss their deep emotional pain. Instead, she shares wisdom and stories from her personal trials, and offers insight about emotional health on journey toward healing. Drawing on personal experience and learning by watching the people she loves walk through the most devastating moments of their lives, Barbera's depth of understanding and ability to articulate the plight of the wounded heart are revealed on each page.
Let Me Be Weak What People in Pain Wish They Could Tell You sheds light on the struggles people face during times of loss and demonstrates how to respond appropriately, by
-Honoring those courageous enough to admit their limitations and ask for what they need
-Giving ourselves permission to feel our feelings, even when they make us uncomfortable
-Increasing our capacity for empathy and self-compassion
-Listening without judgment or a hidden agenda
-Enduring silence and finding peace, when the answers don’t come
-Having faith that the whole world won’t fall apart, even if someone you love does
Follow the advice in this book and you will develop the courage to let down your guard and push past the discomfort, in order to become the kind of person others can trust with their pain and suffering.
We all need a friend whose words are honest and graceful, whose commitment to us is unwavering, even in our darkest hours. What’s stopping you from becoming that kind of friend?
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Let Me Be Weak What People in Pain Wish They Could Tell You edition by Brittany Barbera Religion Spirituality eBooks
Brittany Barbera's book, Let Me Be Weak is an excellent book we all need to read. She teaches us that we don't have to be strong, or tough and how to be empathetic. Too often we don't know what to say and end up saying the totally wrong thing or nothing at all when someone we know or love is in need or grieving. They need for us to be there for them and listen. She teaches us that we aren't expected to tell them what to do. It's OK to be weak. We have all been there. We have all needed to know we are not alone and it is ok to ask for and receive help, even if it is just having someone who will simply listen.She teaches us that if we tell someone we are there for them, we really need to be. We can't say it and then disappear for long periods of time and then come back, expecting them to open up. Listen and be there for them and they will open up to you and that is what they need. They don't need cliches and platitudes or instructions on what they need to do to heal. We need to fix ourselves and in the process we can help others who need to heal. All our lives would be so much better if we just followed the authors excellent and empathetic advice.
I highly recommend this book to everyone. I think I need to read it again. It is a very well written book and worth the time and effort to read. Take it all in and take it to heart. You have to get this book and just listen. You will be better for it.
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Let Me Be Weak What People in Pain Wish They Could Tell You edition by Brittany Barbera Religion Spirituality eBooks Reviews
I love the title!!! Ms. Barbera has hit the nail on the head so to speak. There was a time in my life when I had a devasting loss and I heard all those platitudes spoken to me. I wanted to punch the people speaking them in the face even though I knew they meant well. I have also been on the other side of the situation where I knew the person was in emotional pain and heard myself speaking those same platitudes. I wish I would have had the information from this book sooner ---.
I love this book and its title, because it is directly opposed to what we want to be associated with – weakness! The author underlines something we already know - we all take turns being the one that needs to be weak. Brittany infuses the hurting with courage, to let others see their weakness. This book clearly addresses a valuable truth; that it is healthy to let others know when you are hurting. What is not healthy, is when we pretend that everything is OK. Most of us typically respond with – I’m fine, when asked how we are, even when we are dying inside! When we drop the facade and let others see our weakness, we not only open the door to receive strength from others, we encourage them to do likewise. The author beautifully shares stories and practical ways we can really help those that are hurting, moving us away from using pat answers and phrases that are of no help at all like let me know if I can do something! I shudder when I think of how many times I have said that! I never stopped to think that I was placing my responsibility on a hurting person that was probably just trying to make it through the day. Instead of making them responsible to come up with a list of things I could do for them, “Let Me Be Weak” encouraged me to take a step back and respond with the kind of help that I would like. Sometimes it is as simple as listening and crying with a friend. This book is a must read for everyone! I have already shared “Let Me Be Weak” with many and will re-read and reference it often!
If you suffer with pain, distress, physical or emotional, or you know someone who does, this is the book you should give them.
If I could punch every person in the mouth who told me, "Wow, I'm sure you'll feel better." or "God never gives us more than we can handle." or "When do you think you'll be back to normal?" I would feel soooo much better. No, that's not true, it would just be another layer of frustration.
For Christians out there, I have always thought that the real miracle in the story of the raising of Lazarus, others were raising the dead all over Palestine and Jesus had already done that anyway. The real miracle is in the verse "Jesus wept." (John 1135) Why? Well, Jesus knew He was going to bring back Lazarus. The normal thing to do would have been to say, "Would you women quit your sobbing, I've got this!" then call him out, but NO! He recognized that these women He really loved, really cared about were grief stricken. They were even scolding Him for taking His own sweet time. But, instead of that, He sat down and had a good cry with them. The miracle A man showing empathy and validating the feelings of the women He loves. How rare is that? I used to volunteer in the ER and I would see people come in "dead" and walk out later at least once a month. Men showing empathy? Not in our waiting room! (For those of you who reject Christianity you can now start reading again).
If you hurt, read this book.
If you know someone who hurts, read this book.
If you're related to someone who hurts, Read This Book.
If you're married to someone who hurts, have them read this book first and make notes, then READ THIS BOOK PAYING CLOSE ATTENTION TO THEIR NOTES.
If after reading you feel critical of something that was said (or some of the notes your spouse entered) by all means, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF and seek professional attention. There are wonderful psychologists out there struggling to pay their education and professional loans and if that's the only reason you'll go, it's good enough.
Seriously, though, this book helped me realize why most of my "life long friends" never come visit any more and taught me to realize the exceptional few who have refused to take the easy way out and pretend that the me that lives today is NOT the friend they once had.
9 out of 10 marriages with chronic pain end in divorce. Why? Why do spouses who have promised to "love, honor, cherish for better or worse, in sickness or health" call their lawyer when the "worse" and "sickness" parts become reality?
Why is your once incredibly lucid friend suddenly a basket case?
Why is he/she saying things that are cruel and damaging?
Why are they so angry?
Pain changes you. It doesn't matter how strong you are, how smart you are or how devoted to God you are, being in constant, extreme agony with no hope that anything will ever change makes you a different person. Unfortunately for the victim (me) the power to heal is much easier to come by for the healthy friends, relatives and spouses than for the person who has no idea that what they are saying is illogical and hurts those around himself/herself.
This book is helping me figure out how maybe I can shut up, calm down, go to my cave and let people help me.
Try to observe the person who used to be almost human. We don't know we're being irrational. We don't know we've got the problem solving skills of a three year old. After all, many of us can still use words we learned in college. But if you are having trouble finding empathy, if you feel your friend/relative/spouse is doing evil, stupid things just to hurt you, for men take a pair of vise grips and apply it to your scrotum. Women may want to choose a different area equally sensitive. (While this kind of pain will actually numb over time, chronic pain does NOT numb, it actually becomes more sensitive. Maybe you need to open the vice grips and move them around daily to get the genuine effect). Go several days without sleep. Start with three, but you want to be to the point that if at any time there's a lull in you pain you can't keep your eyes open. Don't get out of bed at night or read, this just irritates your spouse more.
Now, get someone you trust to follow you with video equipment for a couple of days. Remove vice grips, get some sleep, eat something healthy again and then watch the video and see if you recognize the person.
I am not being facetious. While this exact experiment may be out of the question for you, try something you think is more practical. No matter what you do, after several days you will start to figure out that "empathy" beats the heck out of finding out the reality of what the person you care for is experiencing. You might find a hidden surfeit of patience, forgiveness and indulgence. Then the real miracle will occur Your loved one will realize that they can trust you. This alone will provide a level of relief beyond their most desperate hopes.
I promise.
When society worships those people who have gotten rich, powerful or famous we never look closely at the costs to others this "self sufficiency" cost. How many tax dollars did Donald Trump abscond with on his way to fortune? How many spouses were alienated? How many people became slaves to nicotine as Mitt Romney and Bane Capital rose with the cream? Did Hillary get where she is without some collateral damage? Do the Koch brothers represent responsible citizens willing to pay their fair share for their success? Why is Apple scamming the American tax system and hiding their profits in tax havens when their customers (who will have to pay for the stuff Apple is not) are mostly in the US?
I don't want you to hate these people, I just want you to adjust your estimation of "self-sufficient" and "self-made" to understand that your dad and/or mom who may not have ever had more than a few thousand dollars in the bank, worked 40 hours per week, paid for everything until you could and made sure that he paid his taxes fairly so you would have roads to drive on, fire fighters who would come if you called, schools that helped you learn what you needed to start teaching yourself and a library to read in, a park to play in and a High School mascot to make fun of are the real heroes of American Society. My wife, who continues to care for me after 14 years of "uselessness" is the ultimate hero. My children who still bring my grandchildren over and understand when I suddenly disappear and go back to my room are my true heroes.
Throughout my career I made a lot of rich people richer. None of them call to check up on me. I doubt many of them even remember how they got that big bonus for the efficiency and profits we realized when they exceeded their metrics.
But my real friends, and they are a minute fraction of who I thought they were, "Let Me Be Weak".
Brittany Barbera's book, Let Me Be Weak is an excellent book we all need to read. She teaches us that we don't have to be strong, or tough and how to be empathetic. Too often we don't know what to say and end up saying the totally wrong thing or nothing at all when someone we know or love is in need or grieving. They need for us to be there for them and listen. She teaches us that we aren't expected to tell them what to do. It's OK to be weak. We have all been there. We have all needed to know we are not alone and it is ok to ask for and receive help, even if it is just having someone who will simply listen.
She teaches us that if we tell someone we are there for them, we really need to be. We can't say it and then disappear for long periods of time and then come back, expecting them to open up. Listen and be there for them and they will open up to you and that is what they need. They don't need cliches and platitudes or instructions on what they need to do to heal. We need to fix ourselves and in the process we can help others who need to heal. All our lives would be so much better if we just followed the authors excellent and empathetic advice.
I highly recommend this book to everyone. I think I need to read it again. It is a very well written book and worth the time and effort to read. Take it all in and take it to heart. You have to get this book and just listen. You will be better for it.
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